* STOOP NEWS *

* s-T-oop *

2008-03-03T12:39:00.004-05:00

If you've reached this page linked from the New York Times blog, congrats! You are truly a chic person. Seriously.

And, we're not defunct, merely in hibernation. Less play for the stoop during the winterland, you know.

Stoop Norwood

2007-10-15T13:04:00.000-04:00

Who knew 14th Street between 7th & 8th was looking to become chic. We oft felt it to be a negligible stretch of Hispanola en route to Jeffrey, but alas, this city never ceases to amaze.

Exhibit A, new grand boite *Norwood* . . .

*Brendan* hosted a dinner party on Saturday night at his new haunt, private club *Norwood* - pre-holiday festivities were had, cigarettes were puffed on the ultra-high stoop, and we stepped judgement into high gear.

And scene.

Stoop'd on Phonics

2007-10-15T12:56:00.000-04:00

crack that shit like a walnut, v.

1. to break someone down; retaliate/initiate confrontation
2. sexual dominance:
Girl A: How'd it go on your date with Brain?
Girl B: I cracked his shit like a walnut!

attr. *Chrrryl*

* Fat Fighters *

2007-10-10T10:01:00.000-04:00

In our truancy, we've left you high and dry for updates on *All Beef Nuggety-Nugs* and her weight loss regime.

True to form, and in fertile anticipation of the Autumnal weather, she has stepped up, hunkered down, and set into motion a shock & awe campaign worthy of even the most even-keeled WASP skipper.

We caught her hier soir reclining on the hood of this vintage auto, tipping the hood at a negative 143 pounds! *Stevie* acted as de facto sittings/fashion editor, as we captured the moment.

* Cardboard Boxing *

2007-10-05T11:23:00.000-04:00

Mmm hmm, we know, we've been delinquent. But there is much to discuss.

To whet your appetite, please see below, *Cherrrl* demonstrating the proper stance for *cardboard boxing* solicitation.

* Stoop'd on Phonics: Homeless Ed. *

2007-09-04T12:18:00.000-04:00

Persuant to *Cherrrl*'s primo moda operendi of life, the naming of illicit, unusual, and cruel sexual activities, the Mama Lion raised the bar on Saturday evening . . .

cardboard boxing (v.)

1. sleeping with a homeless person, esp. sleeping with a homeless person at their place.

* Stoop:Observed *

2007-09-04T11:56:00.000-04:00

After much speculation by the proponent stoop crew over which New York publication would be the first to feature reportage re: *Stoop News*, the cat's bag has been opened. This Wednesday, *Meredith Bryan* of the New York Observer, will be dropping a piece about her Labor Day weekend spent at the *CB* studio and chez stoop.

What mischief will be exposed? What debauchery will be divulged? Impossible to believe, but of course a pink newspaper would be the first to fall into the stoop wormhole!

* Grey Lady *

2007-08-27T15:59:00.000-04:00

The eagle has landed, as *SN* is given a stiff nod from the grey lady herself, the New York Times, on Sunday. We even accept that the veritable tenement building is referred to as our 'West Village brownstone' . . . some people say God is in the details; we know that God is in the clerical errors.

The Remix

Blog Is the New Black

By SUSAN CERNEK

Published: August 26, 2007

Are designers the new journalists? God help us, but it may be true, judging from the number of young talents who have taken to the keyboard. Sue Stemp, known for her thigh-baring cocktail frocks, has a Web site to chronicle the adventures of herself and her daughter, Kitty Babe. Hanuk Kim keeps a visual diary, which he e-mails to a select group; Chris Benz regularly reports on the goings-on in his West Village brownstone; and Hollywould’s Holly Dunlap says her site attracts an average of 80,000 hits a day. Hedi Slimane posts his austere photography on MySpace (above), which is also where the London avant-garde darling Gareth Pugh announces casting calls and requests for assistants. Even Donna Karan has given blogging a try, as a guest on HuffingtonPost.com. Her reason for doing so is clearly resonating with her colleagues: “I’ve simply gotten to a point in my life,” she wrote, “where I want to ‘address’ people, not simply ‘dress’ them.”

* Stoop'd on Phonics: Late Summer Edition*

2007-08-22T13:10:00.000-04:00

Few bits and bobs to weave into your vernacular, mes petits, use them carefully and pay special attention to the attributions, 'cause this is some territorial terminology:

fluffy (adj.) . . . to be silently, majorly pissed. e.g. fluffy tailed, fluffed. syn. halloween cat. attr.: *Chrrrl*

ex: They turned us away at Socialista last night, and I was so fluffy.

don't you judge me (excl.) . . . verbal follow-up to quite possibly any self-reflexive commentary. use with index-fingered gesticulation. attr.: *Chrrrl*

ex: a: Your hair looks pretty.
b: Don't you judge me!

done & done (v.) . . . to be absolutely sure and confirmed of something; extrapolation of the exp. "done" attr.: *Muffin*

ex: a: Want to go to Ye Waverly?
b: Done & done.

muffin (n.) . . . major term of endearment. attr.: *Muffin*

ex: He is such a muffin.

O.B.D. (abbr.) . . . obsessed. attr.: *Brendan*

ex: I think he's more o.b.d. with you than he is with me!

* Summer Shit Show *

2007-08-22T12:13:00.001-04:00

By all accounts, one would say the stoop has died. I know, muffins, the muffin shop's been closed for a few weeks. Well, *SN* has a real job, too, you know, it's not all just flaneur and Marlboro Lights all day up in here.

Well, we deeply regret to announce that Stoop Majora News is back in full, frantic, force. Like *Chaka Kahn* once said to *Mary J.*, "Bitch, get outcha own way!"

We're doing just that, so roll bounce by the stoop soon, get over yourself, and help *SN* get over itself, too. Lots has happened, so we're giving full *Summer Shit Show* in one false stoop swoop. Here goes . . .

Greece happened. *Niesy-Poo* played pirate. You guys are so over it, we know. Just wait for *Muffin's Ahoy!* next summer. Oh, you wait.

*Matt 2* dropped by for a knuckle knock and a catch-up session post-UES migration. Status-quo city. Stoop withdrawl is what's most important here.

We travelled to Aspen with *Kelly* and saw *Lynda* at the Denver Airport smoking lounge at 11:00am. Love that she's still rocking those fetch athletic socks.

After playing nice with him chez Belvedere, *Chrrrl* peer-pressured *NB* to smoke chez Stoop. Like a modern-day saint, they're resplendent of Caravaggio's Judith . . . don't you agree?

Death came stoopside one afternoon . . . . huwwwwwwwwwweh! Darwinism runs deep & thick in the concrete jungle of the West Village.

The Stoop Crew washorrified by two Astor-Place-meet-me-under-the-cube-looking kids nipping a siesta in the festering, mouldering cushions of this discarded sectional. Porta-stoop? I mean, it's impossible to believe!

Click back for forthcoming updates including: *Bank Street Stoop Tour*, *All Beef Nugget*'s Weight Watchers Backlash (low brow, despicable), and your invitation to come by for a cracker and piece of cheese (small).

* And . . . . Scene *

2007-07-17T16:24:00.000-04:00

On the wings of the annual Grecian holiday, *Stoop News* has resurrected its perch, and will be eye-ing tout le monde with reckless abandon.

Stay tuned for major new stoop action, antics, and admonishments as we carry you through life in the Village fast lane towards the throws of Autumn. Baby lions will become big lions, you know, little lion . . . .

And scene.

* Dos Manos *

2007-06-28T09:32:00.000-04:00

Summer blessings to *The Twins* who are a perpetual source of confusion and delight to all who partake in stoop action.

* Stoop'd on Phonics: DYGI? *

2007-06-26T17:09:00.000-04:00

We here at *Stoop News* have abbreviated our constant rhetorical question, 'do you get it?', into a most divine acronym.

DYGI (dig-ee)

1. Acronym for 'do you get it'
2. The most splendid closing to any question or comment.

e.g. "Hey chicken, I got these new Lanvin tassel loafers in navy blue patent, DYGI?!?"

* Still Not Over It *

2007-06-26T17:05:00.000-04:00

Just as a public disclaimer, we'd like to offer our sentiments on a white Chuck Taylor: still not over them. They're stoop-major, do you get it?

* Greek Pirates *

2007-06-26T16:03:00.001-04:00

Today marks the t-minus-one-week checkpoint until *SN* departs for its annual 2-week siesta Mykonian-style.

And, this summer is marked by a most requisite travel companion - the terrific *Niesy-Poo* - who will be channeling the swashbuckler incarnate alongside the usual Italians/pirates on holiday.

Low and behold, those lobes are still pierced, and we say, "golden hoops" all around for *Niesy-Poo* poolside. Over the weekend, we had a fitting on the stoop to this end, and the results are pitch-perfect.

Gold hoop courtesy of *Satya Monster*.

* I Wanna Be A Princess! *

2007-06-26T15:29:00.000-04:00

This past weekend, *All Beef Nugget* - who, incidently, is inching towards having lost 100 pounds - posed for the nouveau stoop camera. She's a lady of the highest order, the hemlines are on the rise, children! And, how natural the makeup is in this high evening light!

* T Minus 10 - Opa! Ed. *

2007-06-24T11:07:00.000-04:00

Having realized it is officially T-minus-ten days until *SN* goes global and reports live from The Belvedere, we thought it best to give a veritable 'heads-up' to the weather to which we'll be party. Signomi, bitches.

Mykonos, Greece
10-Day Forecast

Tonight
Jun 24

Clear

N/A/78°

0 %

Mon
Jun 25

Sunny

98°/76°

0 %

Use extra powder to avoid shine

Tue
Jun 26

Sunny

97°/73°

0 %

Wed
Jun 27

Sunny

99°/73°

0 %

Thu
Jun 28

Sunny

96°/72°

0 %

Run air conditioning

Fri
Jun 29

Sunny

93°/71°

0 %

Sat
Jun 30

Sunny

91°/67°

0 %

Sun
Jul 1

Sunny

88°/67°

0 %

Watch for wilting flowers

Mon
Jul 2

Sunny

89°/67°

0 %

Tue
Jul 3

Sunny

91°/67°

0 %

* Nurse's Office *

2007-06-21T09:21:00.000-04:00

As you may have guessed, *SN* is partial to any affliction in which a symptom is rapid weight loss.

Cut to *Cinnamon* dropping ell-bees over the past two weeks like a slippery pickles out the tub. The diagnosis? A fancy case of *giardia* (see above), a food-borne and water-borne bacteria that takes up residence in your intestinal tract, simultaneously eviscerating your appetite and dissolving your insides! Just think of it as the bacterial equivalent of cotton candy.

Clearly the envy of all on the stoop, *Cinnamon* will be available to make out this evening with anyone who yearns for this sort of quick trim. We're not sure if it's contractible via bodily fluid contact, but you all can experiment.

For more information, and up-to-date coverage from the New York City Department of Environmental Protection (natch: Naturopathic TrimSpa), do check their website.

See what you've been missing? Just don't drink the water. And boil your Koolaid.

* Stoop'd on Phonics: From LA With Love *

2007-06-21T09:12:00.000-04:00

Dearest *SN* satellite bel ami, *Chris L*, dropped into our 8800 yesterday evening with the new best word. We adore it, and moreover adore *Chris L* for keeping it r-e-a-l on the Westside.

1. custom
adj. Being fabulous.
e.g. "Oh my god, Fred Segal is giving you the windows on Melrose? You are so custom!"

So, like Cher said in true Bronson Alcott High style, "Try using it in a sentence today, Ty." And we shall.

Stoop in High-Res: Apology Edition

2007-06-21T08:55:00.000-04:00

We cannot blame our negligence of reportage on technical server difficulties, OOT status, nor an uneventful plotz season. No, the lazy days of summer have overcome us early, but we endeavor to fight the good fight against the powers of ennui.

To this end, *SN* has a new toy. Revel no longer in the lackluster imagery of 4.0 megapixels, but prepare to feast ravenously upon the technicolor splendor of 7.2 megapixelle reality. Lady *Casio EX-S770-BE* is toed-up to work you over.So, since you're obviously jealous of everything that has gone down on the stoop since *Matt 2* ditched, are pining for a *Fat Fighters* weight-loss check-in with *All Soy Nugget*, and need to know all about how *Crazy "These Dogs Are Abused" Lady* has a rats' nest terrace out the back of her apartment, please do drop in soon.

And, jealousy-upon-jealousy, t-minus two weeks 'til Greece. Do you get it, chicken?

* Gone with the Linds- *

2007-05-29T12:46:00.000-04:00

And then he was gone. *Matt 2* and *Lindsay* made a cameo appearance chez stoop on Memorial Day to snag his flat-screen and surround sound . . . the last remaining articles of the grand jettee that was *Matt 2*'s tenured residence in No.5. Bless. And release.

* Oh. Oh God. *

2007-05-26T12:27:00.001-04:00

As many a Villageuse knows, the first leaps into Summer consist of confusing streetwear, grey legs, and NYU frosh move-in/move-out.

The stoop crew witnessed this exodus last week, marked by the inevitable stained mattress disgarded outside the building. Too sick to believe, *SN* snapped some images to repulse you.

'Cause, you know, misery & disgust love a little company.

* Fat Fighters Update *

2007-05-23T10:57:00.000-04:00

Our favorite anorexic, *All Beef Patty*, struck a mean pose on the hood of an unsuspecting fiery red 500SL this weekend, and checked in with *SN* at a negative 81lbs.!

We sort of love the fact that this weight loss is opening up so many new activities for *Patty*, like, say, leaning on $150,000 cars without imminent litigative threat.

* American Gothic *

2007-05-23T10:54:00.000-04:00

Apres Sant Ambroeus on Sunday afternoon, *Michael* and *Keely* made a pit stop on the stoop.

*Michael* subsequently invented our favorite new excuse for anything:

"I'm jutht trying to exthpreth mythelf."

Fey, rude, and wonderful. The picture of nouveau American Gothic, don't you think?

Stoop'd on Phonics: Neighborhood Naming Edition

2007-05-22T13:01:00.000-04:00

In case you haven't noticed, we've begun a new vernacular of Manhattan neighborhoods. From here on out, we will only refer to neighborhoods by the last two digits of their respective zip codes.

Take one from les sacre francais, and take it to the streets! Soho becomes *The 12th*, the West Village becomes *The 14th* . . . you get the notion.

Heat it up!

* RIP Matt 2 *

2007-05-22T12:04:00.000-04:00

Eew, blessed are those who resign their leases. And also, damned are those who give up life in the 14th for life in the duldrums and banality of the 21st.

As we dropped yesterday afternoon, our dearly beloved *Matt 2* has flown the stoop coop, leaving his two-bedroom/one bath to his bland-as-bread roommate.

Everyone here at *SN* is beside themselves - on the inside - over the fact that we'll no longer be party to *Matt 2*'s heady waspiness, self-effacing frattiness, and all around phantasmagoria. May our OC-bred JFK Jr. rest in Upper East peace.

We hope *Matt 2* will always find an open seat on the stoop, but we can't promise . . .

. . . squatters' rights, you know.

And we can't help everyone.

* Town vs. Country - Stoop Action *

2007-05-21T15:55:00.000-04:00

Although we've always cried allergy at the first mention of traveling outside of the 10014, let alone actually into nature, we've recently been on a veritable town & country kick, scouring the Hudson Valley real estate market for the perfect satellite location for the Thursday-Monday Summer corridor.

Blessed with the keen sense of assessing stylish potential based on photos the size of a credit card, we've set our crosshairs on a swell pre-Revolutionary rock cottage in Woodstock. Would a weekend escape make our collective heart grow even fonder of mid-week stoop-life? Or drastically upset the careful stranglehold we have on the 2 Bank social calendar?

Sidebar: In other news, *Matt 2* has officially kicked the stoop to the curb, having taken up a feathered 10021 nest (avec doorman) with his gal *Lindsay*. We wish we were more upset, but the actuality of the situation hasn't quite settled. More to come on this hideous uproot . . .

Okay, back to the matter at hand. Start thinking about cheeky names for the country house. *Eva* claims you must name it after the road on which it is located (e.g. her country house is called 'Willow Lane'). Somehow we just can't get over wanting to call it "UK-USA" since it was clearly built by Brit craftsmen. We're also fond of "Green Gables", "Pre-Ye-Waverly", "Snack Shack," and, clearly, "Rock Cottage."

Send us your ideas, and we'll keep a running list and then have a vote! Winning name gets a weekend stay . . . BYOB, of course.

Stooooop'd on Phonics

2007-05-21T15:42:00.000-04:00

puzzle butt

1. the crack in a monopoly board.

The dice landed right on the puzzle butt.

Stoop'd on Phonics

2007-05-18T14:48:00.000-04:00

dap & dip

1. Making a brief appearance at a party or social function for political purposes.

Involves giving "dap" (fist-pound greeting) to the host and other notables, then "dipping" (leaving) shortly thereafter. Sometimes used to describe an event that is not enjoyable and would not be worth attending were it not for the political motive.

Matt: Are we going to Jon's party?

Darryl: Yeah, but I don't want to stay long, so let's make it a dap and dip.

* Ballon! *

2007-05-17T20:15:00.000-04:00

Having grown up without a stoop, but with a tiny Francophile hiding deep inside, we are all too familiar with *Ballon Rouge*, the effervescent chase through 1950's Paris as seen through the eyes of a petit garcon.

To the utter shagrin of all stoop disciples, a metallic red mylar balloon of our own has gotten trapped on the fire escape just overhead. Is this a nod to the pastoral nature of stoop life, or merely a cheeky coincidence?

The world may never know.

* Stoop Non-Non *

2007-05-17T20:09:00.000-04:00

Things we're offended by are truly few and far between, though those glaring blips in the social ettiquette manual that are flagrantly overlooked are cause for banishment to the Isle of Leper.

Case in point, exhibit A (pictured below), a rareified photo opportunity that was impossible to pass up . . .

* Thursday Sightings *

2007-05-17T19:22:00.000-04:00

We're not one to get our knickers in a twist over a notable sighting, but ever since our favourite after-hours trash kitty bar renaissanced as the-new-and-improved *Waverly Inn*, we can't help but take a sidenote of the passerby.

Heretofor, our sightings from the Stoop for Thursday:

*Stanley Tucci*
*Steve Buscemi*
*Nate Berkus*
*Tim Shifter*
*Helen Lee Shifter*

To be continued . . .

Stoop Weather Forecast

2007-05-17T12:47:00.000-04:00

Alors, we always try to get you up, on, over, and through your weekend without the requisite misstep in weather-appropriate attire. For your weekend plans, please see below, for your consideration, our stoop weather forecast.

	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday	Monday

Hi	67°F/19°C	56°F/13°C	58°F/14°C	67°F/19°C	69°F/21°C
Lo	50°F/10°C	48°F/9°C	52°F/11°C	48°F/9°C	52°F/11°C
	Cooler with times of sun and clouds OUI - STOOP ACTION	Colder with rain NON - PAS DE STOOP	Breezy and cool with rain NON - PAS DE STOOP	Warmer with variable cloudiness OUI - STOOP ACTION	Mostly sunny ET OUI - BELLE STOOP

* Roof vs. Stoop *

2007-05-11T11:25:00.000-04:00

Pursuant to our search for outdoor plotzin' locales in the 10014, we joined *Elettra* & *Louise* for some truffle-oiled popcorn and gossip rag perusal on the roof of the *Soho House* on Sunday afternoon. Donned in our incognito best, we moved from chaise, to 4-top, to beds in uber-Continental splendor.

Ain't no stoop, but the denizens are straight off Bank Street, if you know what we're saying. Do you get it.

Application pending.

* Olfactory Terror! *

2007-05-11T09:18:00.000-04:00

Yesterday 'eve, crisis struck on the stoop! Gall rose in our respective throats! Our eyes teared for more than pollen & Tammy Faye! We gagged! People scattered, dragging their children behind, for the cleaner airs of Seventh Avenue South!

A pleasant Thursday dehors with *Satya Monster* was challenged when a shit-trucker rolled up, splayed out its hose, and pumped some bio-diesel into a manhole. We're not sure exactly what was going down, but surely nothing more unusual than any past Thursday night in the West Village.

The stench that emanated from that trickety truck was unlike anything we had experienced before. Though some (*SM*) claimed it to be similar to a dirty wok of garlic scrimps, we prefer to construe it to be closer to the smell of two-day-old vomit from a three-beer-queer!

Later, *The Reevenator* claimed to have spotted the shit-trucker outside Morandi, causing many a poseur to abandon their outside tables for the inner air-conditioned performance space of faux finishing and decorative-slash-authentic tile grime.

* Retournez! *

2007-05-11T09:02:00.000-04:00

Oh my, what a desperate free fall we have left you in for the past week-or-so. No daily urban mots to delight and bewilder your passerby, no *SNL Girl*, no Fat Fighters' *All Beef Nugget* weight-loss check-ins (she's @ a negative 75lbs, incidentally!), no freewheeling cartwheels of stoop fun to be found.

And, for this, we don't apologize. Merely, we excuse our distance as a reflection of the desolation we've been feeling on the stoop. *Stoop News* is not a by-force intelligence platform, but a springboard for detrimental gossip, high school shenanigans, and envy-inducing potages. To that end we say, welcome back. There's been little news to print, and thereby little Stoop news to post.

But now, mes amours, the rest of the story.

Stoop'd on Phonics

2007-05-07T09:41:00.000-04:00

butterfaith

1. A girl who is fun, intelligent, beautiful, perfect in every way... except she's devoutly religious.

If not for the whole going to church and not eating meat on Fridays thing, Jenny would be perfect. Too bad she's a butterfaith.

Stoop'd on Phonics: Birthstone Edition

2007-05-02T16:46:00.000-04:00

	sapphire
	1. a girlfriend of a member of the crips gang, from the gang color (blue); compare "ruby red," meaning a girlfriend of a member of the bloods, whose gang color is red (data from 2007 high school girls in east new york, brooklyn) She's a sapphire, for sure.

* Do Not Plow Hole *

2007-05-01T10:25:00.000-04:00

*SN* uber-hiatus is now officially over. You know how those whirlwind business trips can make you hate not only the world, but everyone around you, too.

In effort to compensate for undeserved ignorance, we hereforwith present a Stoop Homage Montage . . . a veritable Mr. Toad's Wild Ride through the April-May corridor. Bon appetite!

While we were out . . . *All Beef Patty* hit minus-70 pounds. Emaciated.

Someone left the fugliest chocolate chip cookie outside *The Twins* apartment.

*SNL Girl* slithered around Starbucks, but took Sunday off.

*Eva & Tallulah* rocked their tanned jams in the cloak of darkness, and joined in our faux tattoo trickery.

* Stoop'd on Phonics: Hiatus Edition *

2007-04-25T13:40:00.000-04:00

Miami
	1. the patch and/or bush of chest hair that becomes exposed with the un-buttoning of a shirts top 2-4 buttons. (invented by ryan m. saratoga, ca.) cody: you see all those tools at the party with the same shirt on? ryan: yep. haha. acting all cool sportin' their Miami's! dude, does this shirt make my miami hang out too much?

* Stoop-o-rama! *

2007-04-24T23:08:00.000-04:00

Catching the last fleeting rays of a beautiful rays of mid-Spring sunlight on the stoop, we present *Stoop-o-rama* - the panoramic perspective.

It's almost as if you are actually there in all the 180-degree magnificence!

* Stoop'd on Phonics: Athens Edition *

2007-04-24T12:12:00.000-04:00

hate-shoes

1. noun; shoes bought after trying on every pair in the store while a dead-to-you holiday companion rots outside in the 90-degree Mediterranean heat.

Modern term coined by *Satya Monster*, Summer 2006, Athens, Greece.

"I got these shoes, aren't they cute? They're hate-shoes! 'Cause I hate-shoe!"

* STOOP ACTION *

2007-04-23T14:14:00.000-04:00

Persuant to our last-week's reveal of our intent to defile you with a veritable stoop tour of Manahatta, our first of many an example of thunderous stoopifiable envy.

Here we spotted Little Miss Muffett, reading her Times and New Yorker. See how the girth and height of her stoop allows for a downward gaze onto the pedestrian sidewalk?

See how she thinks she's better than you?

* Bohemia, Bohemia . . . *

2007-04-23T13:58:00.000-04:00

. . . where people piss on your stoop every night! Who said bohemia is dead? Seems them *Granny Trannies* adopted a ravishing utterly bohemian rouge/lavendre brunch look.

We say: spectacular, spectacular!

* Schwiiiiiing for Spring *

2007-04-23T10:24:00.000-04:00

Seems like after this weekend, we've skipped right past le Printemps and moved into a comfortable Ete numbness!

The populous got their crazy on this weekend, the first real Springtime weekend, marked by a flower delivery on Friday afternoon by our dearest cosmetic *Elettra*.

With that, many a sordid moment was spent luxuriating on the stoop and silently judging you. Some great-slash-amazing C-List sightings were beheld over the weekend, including (but not limited to) a sloppy *Brian McFadden*, that self-proclaimed youngest stylist on Shear Genius, *Lacey*, and of course, *SNL Girl*!

*SNL Girl* was working a long-layered cascading bustle look over the weekend, similar, in fact, to Venetia Scott's genius styling of the Marc Jacobs Fall 2006 collection.

The Starbucks squatter was caught literally popping a mean sidewalk squat on numerous occasion this week. Picking up change and half-smoked cigarette butts? Getting into the spring spirit by petting others' doggies?? Alora, p.u.

And, we all know that with the arrival of bon temps comes with the arrival of mosquitoes and bachelorettes.

Nary a mosquito to be found at stoop-level, but the *Bachelorettes* were out in full force, spewing from their party buses onto Bank Street like vomitaria from the Roman Colosseum.

As with every weekend from here until the last dying breath of Summer, they did their damnedest to green the mother-in-laws on frozen cosmopolitans, and crowned each other with the idiosyncratic-slash-prerequisite penis and/or pussy balloon hat from Lips restaurant.

And no, I'm not kidding.

* Stoop Style *

2007-04-20T16:30:00.000-04:00

An oft-seen character sur stoop, *Xander* clipped his wings and lit for a quick hello. Just enough time to feel his look, acknowledge it, and move on.

Like *Matt 1*, we really don't know what it is *Xander* does, save for vintage shopping for Sprouse originals and sequined bandeaux on a daily basis. When he isn't popping by the stoop, *Xander* can be spotted in his native habitat of firey incandescent nightlife, working the door, or trying to get seen.

And we mean working it.

* Spring Blesings (sic) *

2007-04-20T10:50:00.000-04:00

*SN* received the following email from our dear yogi brotherbear *Eric*. I'm positive you will enjoy its hidden messages as much as we did.

It's particularly entertaining for everyone around if you read it aloud.

Lets take turns reading aloud tonight on the stoop. I call closing stanza.

From: Eric Nies
Subject: WINTER TO SPRING WE MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

SPRING INTO LOVE . . . When you thought spring forgot to come, a meadowlark sang in a tree. A flower popped out of the ground. You felt like dancing. Like singing to the clouds. Now is the time to learn how to breathe all over again. Pretend you are a new born baby. Get the staleness of winter out of your heart and mind and body. It's time to be reborn as pocket gopher. Passing through a time of solitude and introspection makes you realize how precious things are. Look around.

If the sky seems to low, push it up. If the earth seems to still, put your face in the mud and sing it a growing song. Put wildflowers in your ears. Howl at the next full moon. Talk to coyotes, to ravens, to the little ant digging itself out of the ground. Go to the park and feed a squirrel, a blue jay or robin. What's the worst that could happen? Ask your self: Is there enough of you to go around? Do people expect too much? Is your work something you LOVE to do? Or have to do? Do you yearn for a new place? A new person with whom to share your life?

Regeneration means that you can start growing all over again, this time from the inside out. There is time for everything, even that which you thought too late to happen. We are all in the great cycle of life. No-thing becomes everything and must return to no-thing. In the spring, life returns from which seemed to be dead and explodes back into the spirit of life once again. Everyday is an opportunity to breath in the magik of life and exhale your love into the universe for all to share. You deserve to be happy and free. All you have to do is choose to.

What a beautiful day to love your self. Today try to treat your mind, body and soul with pure nourishment and healthy thoughts.Tell someone close to you or even a total stranger how much you appreciate them for just being alive and give em a big hug!!!! Why not? Your Alive!!!!!!!!!!!

I bet you would like to be on the receiving end of the hug. That would feel pretty good, huh? ONE LOVE!!!!!!!

-- Peace and Love "E Nicey

Quel Temps Fait-il?!

2007-04-19T13:21:00.000-04:00

5-Day Forecast

	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday	Monday

Hi	56°F/13°C	65°F/18°C	72°F/22°C	74°F/23°C	76°F/24°C
Lo	41°F/5°C	45°F/7°C	49°F/9°C	55°F/13°C	54°F/12°C
	Rain and drizzle late this morning	Mostly sunny and warmer	Mostly sunny and pleasant	Sunshine and delightful	Sunny to partly cloudy and warm

Oh, blessings! Fire up your weather balloons!

Having been in avoidance of any sort of weather forecast for the past few weeks, clearly we had no idea what was in our near future, but *David* tipped *SN* off to the impetus . . .

"Dear *SN* . . . Friday marks the beginning of what is anticipated to be exceptional stoop weather for the weekend."

And, as you can see, we are beside ourselves with childlike glee. No more rocking back and forth in the dank, wet, urban forest, humming The Mikado, waiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock, and bearing the polarity of our caffeine-induced mania.

Clear sailing from here on out, kids.

* Other People's Stoopidity *

2007-04-19T13:15:00.000-04:00

Call it what you will: *Other People's Stoopidity *. . . *Stoopstyles of the Ditched & Listless* . . . *Stoop Trek* . . .

*SN* is starting something new. It's the third trimester of a new regular post. Some of our stoop regulars knocked up our blog womb to the idea of showcasing other *Stoop Action* throughout the city!

And don't think we're gonna get all Sartorialist on your ass. This isn't about color or proportion or a a fatigue field coat. This is about cement, chippy paint, brown paper bags, neighborhood gossip, and public urination.

And don't think you're going to get out of babysitting our new rag doll. Get out your cameras and help *SN* capture the essence of our fair city, one stoop at a time.

Stoop'd on Phonics

2007-04-19T10:30:00.000-04:00

	shazbat
	1. utterly harmless but effective expletive pinched from the '80s sitcom 'Mork & Mindy' where it was used by Robin Williams' character Mork the alien. Can be used by anyone anywhere without incurring wrath and disapproval. Him: I have just wiped the entire contents of your laptop Me: Shazbat!!!!!!!!

* Helluva Town *

2007-04-19T10:05:00.000-04:00

*SN* snagged this shot whilst taxi-ing down Ninth Avenue this past weekend.

Just a moment for being a New Yorker.

Even in the tumults of an Indian Winter, there's nothing like waking up in the morning with the realization that, ahem, I live in New York City!

Can I get an amen?!!

Stoop'd on Phonics

2007-04-17T14:27:00.000-04:00

Turd
	1. The best and most offensive insult you can call anyone, in all situations What a complete and utter turd

BREAKING STOOP NEWS

2007-04-16T14:42:00.000-04:00

Everyone on alert! Aux armes citoyens!

Could it be that the Nor'easter's torrents have destroyed the eponymous Waverly Inn? Undisclosed tipsters have peaked our interest.

*SN* is on call and the doctor is in - send us your Waverly Inn status reports as they happen.

And it better still be there, 'cause *Brendan*'s got a rezzie.

Beeg keese - ciao!

S.A.D.

2007-04-16T12:23:00.000-04:00

In honor of our now full-effect seasonal affective disorder, and furthermore in honor of our impending trip to our one-day trip to Coconut Grove, we will be hopping in the electric beach tonight, promptly at seven o'clock.

Anyone who would like to join in the *Portofino Field Trip Fun Hour* should meet on the stoop with accellerating lotion in-hand, bells on, and a shit-eating grin. One can only hope that a little artificial vitamin D will help us snap out of this funk we've gotten ourselves into.

Can we get a "b-weekend"? Nothing much to report.

Blessings.

Stoop'd on Phonics: Rainy Edition

2007-04-16T12:21:00.000-04:00

rain

1) a free car wash for poor people

2) adj. - taking a lot of money in bill form and tossing it up in the air. This is most effectively done at a strip club for the effect of raining one dollar bills on the dancers (and it makes them feel so pretty), or to snub a hater by throwing money into their face that then falls to the floor, like rain (use this when paying a debt to a punk bitch who keeps asking for their money to the point that they are ruining your friendship or when dumping someone who has been bankrolling you for a while now that you're making money).

3) adj. - the ability for a relatively small group or single person to move massive shipments of illegal drugs.

4) adj. - going on a scoring spree, such as a hot 3-point streak in basketball, or making a big shot that silences the opposition's fans.

"I'm in this business of terror, got a handful of stacks better grab an umbrella, I make it rain (I make it rain) I make it rain on them hoes."

* Bag, Rock, River *

2007-04-13T19:35:00.000-04:00

What do you do with a litter of kittens?

Bag . . . rock . . . river!

*Katrina* coined this eponymous term early in the millenium, but it has been ante'd up with reckless abandon by our fave trash kitty *Rajene*. A frequent co-opter of the stoop, and one whose presence is always filled with joyful noise, the lithe *Rajene* can be spotted huddled in the vestibule smoking Parliament Light 100's and sucking her teeth at the Mexican passerby.

But don't step, 'cause she was born and bred Brooklyn style and she will slash your face and steal your purse!

So watch your back. And your kittens.

* Stoop'd on Phonics *

2007-04-13T09:54:00.000-04:00

guyliner
	only real men wear eyeliner. for example, billie joe armstrong and tre cool of the band green day wear guyliner. NOT mike dirnt.

* $75 Woman *

2007-04-12T13:40:00.000-04:00

Ooh, la la! There she goes - wasting away to nearly nothing!

*All Beef Patty* tapped SN to reveal that she's rocked the scales minus 60 ell-bee's this week at her Fat Fighters meeting! See how she nearly disappears at this sideways angle . . .

"Fooled them," we quipped.

"Sure did," she replied. "And, I joined a gym today! Nevermind that it's directly across the street from the projects . . . but for $75 for the year, it is what it is!"

You too can join in the fun at 25th & Ninth Avenue. Get thin, gorgeous and sweaty with *Patty* by joining the new subsidized NYC Parks Department Gymnasium facilities.

And don't forget to report back to the stoop with *Patty*'s technique. We'll be here with our iced coffee --- and if you're good we'll show you our double back handspring.

* His & Hers: High 80's WASP Edition *

2007-04-12T10:35:00.000-04:00

To our utter surprise, a representative of the JP Morgan High Yield Finance clique (*Matt 2*) took a load off on the stoop hier soir, and considered an LBO on our al fresco lifestyle.

As enviable as it may be, we hold our coveted niche of the Village near and dear to our hearts, and wouldn't trade it for a vintage Haut a Courroies. Well, maybe . . . but, we all know it's what's on the inside that counts coconuts.

Not to be outdone by her downtown boy toy, *Lindsay*pulled out what she'd toted to the stoop: a half-full (half empty?) bottle of *Matt 2*'s pinot preferee.

(At right, shrouded in --- *so* UES --- prerequisite Yurman bling, Longchamp tote, Burberry scarf, barn-jacket vest, and Marc Jacobs tote.)

And, yes, we snuck a peek at her naughty bits just before they ran upstairs.

* Buds on Bank Street *

2007-04-11T19:55:00.000-04:00

So the song goes . . .

" . . . ON YOUR LEFT,
WAVERLY PLACE,
BIT OF PAREE IN GREENWICH VILLAGE!

MY, WHAT CHARM,
MY, WHAT GRACE!
POETS AND PEASANTS ON WAVERLY PLACE!"

That may well have been the case when Christopher Street was written as the grand homage to the Greenwich Village life resplendent in Wonderful Town. The sort of rare democracy that Jane Jacobs defiled, the sort of place where the brohemian tempo of the sidewalk, and the theatre of the street laid claim to neighborhood interaction. Well, the poets and peasants have all but died, relenquishing their rent-stabilized leases to McClaren strollers and Magnolia Bakery lines.

We here at *Stoop News* would like to graciously extend our warmest, slightly capricous handshake to our new neighbors *Harvey* and *Georgina*, whose investment on the block makes this romanticized nostalgia a bit more real for all of us.

Whereas the neighboring townhouses sit entrenched in the spidery vegetation of the New York winterland, *Harvey* dollars means Spring is risen chez Weinstein in the form of a blossoming magnolia.

Thank you, *Harvey*, thank you *Georgina*, for making our collective Spring a little bit brighter.

See you on the stoop, bitches.

2007-04-11T10:49:00.000-04:00

5-Day Forecast

	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday

Hi	53°F/12°C	45°F/7°C	53°F/12°C	55°F/13°C	48°F/9°C
Lo	40°F/4°C	39°F/4°C	39°F/4°C	39°F/4°C	37°F/3°C
	Sun giving way to clouds	Mostly cloudy, rain tapering off	Partly sunny, breezy and mild	Mostly cloudy	Cloudy; rain possible, breezy and colder

Honestly, we don't really know what to make of this. Breezy, colder, warmer, wetter . . . Mother Nature must be a drag queen. This is definitely some kind of sick joke to prevent us from tooling around en Vespa and reclining on the stoop! I guess Saturday looks promising, but I'd venture to guess April showers will carry through the weekend.

Blast! SN has been dying to give a splendid forecast for weeks! We'll try again after the weekend, sweets.

Stoop'd on Phonics - 'brohemian'

2007-04-11T10:46:00.000-04:00

brohemian

1. Variation of the word brother combined with the term bohemian. Used to denote a close affiliate.

Wadrake, brohemian?

Yo, how's it going, brohemian?
Chillin' dawg, just lampin' it.

*um, we're obsessed.

* Monsieur Marc *

2007-04-11T10:05:00.000-04:00

Alors! Our favourite styliste extrordinaire made an appearance on the stoop last night, having finally claimed flaneur status this week.

Like Brandon Davis, Stavros Niarchos, and their pride, *Marc* can now be seen all hours of the night, suckling upon Amy Sacco's tit, and swinging from the rice paper lanterns at the Maritime! We've been working towards this for years, as you know.

Of course, this means extra time you can ch-ch-check *Marc* on the stoop! Blessings! More face-time with a dramatic arched eyebrow!

*Marc*, who rivals *Matt 2* in collective sighs as he treks across urbania, dined al fresco on Two Boots PIzza as we discussed fashion, ladies, careers, pills, mutual admiration society, and bien sur, Stoop News!

The *Quinn* to our Daria fashion club, *Marc* is always up for a street style dissection and an impromptu dinner. His schedule fills up faster than Paris Hilton's, girls, so send in your date requests supes quick . . .

. . . and we'll see what we can do.

* Stoop Styles *

2007-04-10T11:33:00.000-04:00

The touristas came out this weekend if not to clog the sidewalks, then to double your pleasure, double your fun!

Check out this husband-and-wife team in all its bougie grandeur.

Stoop'd on Phonics

2007-04-10T10:10:00.000-04:00

bamma

A general-multi used DC Metro area term used to describe a person who has no style, taste, or class. Usually this person has no idea that he/she is classified as a Bamma - rather they go about their daily lives thinking what they do, say, or wear is acceptable.

1. That dude came to work with dress slacks and white tube socks..what a BAMMA!

2. I got a co-worker who is missing 2 front teef, but she came to work showing me a portofolio of pictures she got from Sears, talking about she's gonna be a model. Yo, that chick is a straight Bamma!

Quoi d'Neuf?

2007-04-10T08:59:00.000-04:00

Braving the beautiful April winter-in-New York, Mens Vogue-ettes *Stevie* and *Hudson* ravished the stoop hier soir with their rosy cheeks and early/pre-late Fall layers. What wintery wonder would these fine two have to report, wondered we . . .

In classic Stoop style, we swapped our disdain for the West Village *Geriatrics* ("I agree, those old women all wanna get up in our b'ness!"), went head-to-head on whose hometown is the worst (*Hud* claims Dublin, NH double-dutches our own Braindead Island, WA), and waxed nostalgic on pre-Graydon Ye Waverly Inn - our lowdown (heh) latenight favorite remembered mostly for its crack-dealing bartender and its wine-stained wall-to-wall carpets rather than its Vantities.

*Tasha*, our toe-headed BHS confidant, Commodorian battle-of-the-bandsmate, and Elementary school BFF (Did you know that Tasha was one of the first with a Walkman, in kindergarten? And, yes, it was C+C Music Factory on cassette!), works finely manicured hand-in-finely manicured hand with *Stevie* and *Hudson*, too.

SN is sure to catch her off guard, soon, too . . .

Stoop'd on Phonics: April 9th Edition

2007-04-09T10:19:00.000-04:00

BiPodding
	Sharing a single set of headphones attached to one iPod. One person holds the iPod and takes the left earbud, the other takes the right earbud. Can be performed while moving. They biPodded down the street; Jane had the left ear-piece, Sarah the right.

SNL Girl

2007-04-09T10:01:00.000-04:00

Happy Monday, darlings. Somehow, I feel *Justin Bond* was right in Shortbus, we all do get it in the end. And we're all like a giant motherboard --- I'm connected to you connected to her connected to him connected to that girl over there . . . but, if that's the case, someone please spill the biblical beans on *SNL Girl*!

Alora. Pop! Paparazzi! Flawless . . .

Stoopdate! SNL GIRL / DAH LEN

2007-04-07T17:56:00.000-04:00

Our coverage continues, and our mouths remain agape with regard to our Saturday morning witnessing of a veritable tete-a-tete between the suspect Starbucks resident, *SNL Girl* (above, center), and our seated aluminum-heir slash celebrity photographer, *Dah Len* (above, right).

SN has been fascinated by *SNL Girl*'s flaneuse existence since the early bits of last year, at which time it became clear to us that she literally lived at our local Stoop Starbucks. Arriving during the sensible 10 o'clock morning corridor, and staying well into the bosom of the evening, *SNL Girl* can still be seen in the window everyday, poised as an urban, Westside wildebeest behind the protective plate glass.

*SNL Girl* received her character name due, solely, to her dedication to the continual advertisement of Saturday Night Live. Not once has any Stoop denizen spotted this rarefied creature without her black SNL baseball cap.

Initially, we conjectured her to be an actual writer for the floundering series, gathering day-to-day comic material, but our collective minds have now wandered into more sinister plot lines . . .

An international drug trafficker, immediately identifiable by her consistent "uniform"?

Starbucks undercover security?

DEA informant?

Homeless? Wait, we meant differently-home'd?!!

You, too, can be mistaken as DEA agent, international drug mule, SNL writer, or merely homeless for only $22.00, and get your very own SNL chapeau here.

Join SN in this ongoing clandestine investigation, and loiter outside in it whilst sporting this hat, and we'll cover the cost (minus S&H, of course, since if you actually order it from their site rather then dragging your sorry ass up to the NBC Store at Rockefeller Center, then you can chip in too).

Obviously, we were shocked to see that this unrequited Stoop character is freindly with none other than the inimitable *Dah Len*.

As always, boys & girls, continuing updates as they happen.

* Stooper Scooper *

2007-04-07T14:00:00.000-04:00

SN was stumbling out to brunch this morning, and had an of-the-moment run in with one of the most dubious characters of our collective lives: *SNL Girl*.

Stay tuned for a blow-par-blow of this chance sighting.

And don't worry your pretty head, it is truly a red letter Saturday as it involved not only *SNL Girl*, but our favorite Meatpacking harpie,*Dah Len* and his shiksa of Shar Pei's.

Loving you LIVE via Blackberry from Penelope in Murray Hell, check back later for our Elphin evidence!

Quel Temps Fait-il?

2007-04-06T12:40:00.000-04:00

5-Day Stoop Forecast

	Friday	Saturday	Sunday	Monday	Tuesday

Hi	44°F/7°C	43°F/6°C	44°F/7°C	46°F/8°C	51°F/11°C
Lo	31°F/-1°C	31°F/-1°C	33°F/1°C	35°F/2°C	40°F/4°C
	Clouds yielding to some sun STOOP: HELL NO.	Partly sunny and cold STOOP: AGAIN, NO.	Brisk with clouds and sun STOOP: POTENTIAL	Chilly with times of clouds and sun STOOP: MAYBE.	Sunny to partly cloudy STOOP: FINGERS CROSSED.

PS Can anyone please tell us where Spring is? I thought this life was about global warming.

Stoop'd on Phonics: Easter Edition

2007-04-06T09:37:00.000-04:00

9.	easter easter
	baby carrot: tiny dick Girl 1: omg have you seen his dick Girl 2: yes its like a baby carrot Girl 1: So easter and i had sex last night Girl 2: So how was he? Girl 1: i couldnt even feel it, he was like a baby carrot

Stooper Dossier: MATT 1

2007-04-05T20:33:00.000-04:00

WHO: Yessiree, *Matt 1*!

WHAT: They wrote Ed Norton's character in Fight Club after *Matt 1*'s quel dommage lifestyle. Cubicle workhorse by day, mysterious musical mixologist by night. We don't really know what he does for a living, but it's surmised to be chock-full of legalities and consultation.

Hair: Euro perfection. Skin: sans flaw. Style: Metro - used to carry on the late 90's man-trend of bootlegged denim, but has now modernized into a much more flattering straight-leg.

WHEN: In residence June 2004 - present. *Matt 1* is one of the originals on the stoop, and a true die-hard whose calves brave a sixth-floor walk-up daily.

Many an evening can be spent with *Matt 1* waxing nostalgic on Floridian beaches and hot wax on a shiny surfboard before he trots off with his gal pal *Tammy* to the Tavern on Jane.

WHERE: No.19

WHY: 'Cause he helped originate what into the stoop has blossomed, Luke. Follow *Matt 1*'s force, and enviable you will become.

Maybe you too are like *Matt 1*, trying so hard to be a star when you don't really know: you already are one.

Stoop'd on Phonics: Premiere Edition

2007-04-05T13:20:00.002-04:00

Persuant to channeling our inner street-cred, and further persuant to our continued interest in the freshest and fruitiest, we here at Stoop News endure to keep you in tune with the most au courant vernacular possible.

To this end, we will feature a daily Stoop'd on Phonics buzzword, courtesy of Urban Dictionary. Their tagline is "Define your World", which, of course, we've been trying desperately to do for years.

self-first

1.	self-first
	The rule you use to get out of the "bros befo hoes" rule. Only to be used when there is a >80% chance of you getting laid. I know our rule is bros befo hoes, but you see that girl all up on me? It's self-first tonight. Sorry Playa

Just think how much taller you'll sit on the Stoop, knowing full well that with this new knowledge you'll have to waste much less time pilfering MTV-U and be able to hang with the utter confidence of a rag-stricken prom queen.

Blessings! Takin' it to the streets!

* BREAKING STOOP NEWS *

2007-04-05T10:20:00.000-04:00

The prophylactic bandit has struck again!

SN spotted yet another unwrapped prophylactic on the landing between the 2nd and 3rd floors last night, although no one was available for comment at that time.

SN caught up with No.5 resident and one half of the twin brothers, Scott, for the Morning After report:

"The condom was removed from my front door. Whether I picked it up and used it is none of your business. When I was leaving, Matt 2's door was slightly ajar - was there foul play?"

And now the cheese is more binding . . . stay tuned for continued updates. And, as usual, send your citywide contraceptive sightings to stoopnews@gmail.com.

Trans-Patty Acids

2007-04-05T09:53:00.000-04:00

Oooh, ambrosia!

That was the word on the stoop yesterday evening, when Rachel Zoe disciple and nouveau nutritionist All Beef Patty checked in with SN to report on her weekly Weight Watchers results.

"I gained a POUND!" She quipped, "But this weekend I am going to visit my brother who's a bodybuilder (natch!), and he's going to give me some new tips. I mean, he lifts 400lbs., but it's about seeing the right way to exercise." With her dedication, I'm sure she'll be down at least a couple stones by week's end, and then we'll see who's having the best week ever.

Take one from Team Patty because Summer is en route and you need to tighten up, slim down, shape up and ship o-u-t!

And if not, we can't wait to see your fat mess up on our stoop.

TAG - YOU'RE IT!

2007-04-04T09:43:00.000-04:00

Having gone unmentioned thus far, I was want to bring the stoop tag to your attention. This has been a source of unspoken tension since it's first appearance sometime during the heady months of Summer 2006. What, pray, does this say? Could this be dried excess eyeshadow of an errant pier queen? Is it some sort of homage to the Thursday Styles? An ashy Santeria curse left by Pete's angry Puerto Rican clients?

If anyone knows the source of this painterly addition to our stoop, please kindly advise. Likewise, if you or yours is fluent in urban translations please do your trickety-trick and leave us your *best* translations in the Comments section or email to stoopnews@gmail.com.

We Scream for Weejun!

2007-04-03T18:06:00.000-04:00

Spring Fever has finally taken its annual stranglehold, and all the coolest kids on the Stoop and elsewhere in the hinterland of the Village have taken to sporting classic Bass Weejuns.

Also, take one from the Kappa Kappa Gamma mom school of thought: much dandier to slip in a shiny silver dime in your penny loafer. Much less expected, and much more useful as spare change at Yun Kim's Bethel Gourmet.

Onwards and upwards, children!

EXCLUSIVE! * Matt 2 Reports *

2007-04-03T11:00:00.000-04:00

Matt 2 alerted *SN* yesterday to shocking evidence he discovered outside No.5.

What appeared to be a discarded contraceptive was seen tossed on the 3rd floor landing, although he could not determine whether it had been used or simply removed from its wrapper and disposed of.

This report comes only weeks after 6th floor resident/tarot card reader, Magda, claimed to have found but not one but two discarded prophylactics outside No.20, along with a pile of poop and one square of toilet tissue, undirtied.

What phenomenon has affected the residents of this fabled tenement building? What disconcerting discovery will someone find today? Stay tuned for developments on this mysterious story!

* STOOPERSTAR *

2007-04-03T10:29:00.000-04:00

Call time 9pm. Chez stoop. Pre-Waverly, pre-Sant Ambroeus. Leave it to the nearest and dearest to fulfill our every Stoop Styles fantasy with quel ravissant ensemble yesterday evening. Brendan, Gentlemen's Quarterly diplomat, and HBIC of the Belvedere pool, made a *special* appearance last night in full pre-Spring regalia. Meeting him on the Stoop was BFF and confidant, Satya Monster.

Brendan artfully compiled Valentino blazer, french blue crisp shirt, dark denims, exclusif Vuitton brief, and chocolate crocodile Beetle boots - so beyond chic John Steed would shed one pink fashion tear.

Aussi, Pete joined sporting his usual effervescent combo of corduroy sportcoat, rumpled hoodie, cashmere waffleknit, and Stan Smith tennis shoes.

Following dinner, en route back to the Stoop, Brendan tossed away his priceless Vuitton tote in lieu of his new work bag . . . it's very limited edition, we were assured. Oh how they'll sour to green in the 4 Times Square elevators at this one!

Nothing like a sensible studded clutch.

And, scene.

Mixed Berry

2007-04-02T12:03:00.000-04:00

Everyone on the Stoop has been dying over the new toy --- the just-released Blackberry 8800.

At once mobile phone, email, text messaging, calendar, chat, high-speed internet, games . . . and, the raison d'etre part of our party: mp3 player!

Now our warm evenings have been graced with the tantalizing background vocals of Billie Holliday, Erasure, The Smashing Pumpkins, Jay Brannon, Nina Hagen and many, many more! It's impossible to believe how we ever survived on the Manhattan city sounds alone.

Touchez! And, a built-in GPS navigator if you need, ahem, directions back to the stoop.

Hurry Up & Weight

2007-04-01T22:47:00.000-04:00

Our infamous All Beef Patty has set her sights on a slimmer figure . . . Nicole Ritchie's, actually.

Stay tuned for weekly Fat Fighters updates, and watch as the infamous larger-than-life Stooper wastes away and pummels New York with her dashing new shape!

Quel temps fait-il?

2007-04-01T15:43:00.000-04:00

As a matter of course, we here at Stoop News will endeavor to provide you with the most accurate and up-to-date weather report for the upcoming week. Although we are diehard fans of impromptu stoop fun, it helps the daily morale to know whether stoop fun will be a reality at the end of the day.

As always, do drop in. Weather permitting.

5-Day Forecast

	Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday

HI	52°F/11°C	68°F/20°C	59°F/15°C	52°F/11°C	50°F/10°C
LO	43°F/6°C	50°F/10°C	42°F/6°C	37°F/3°C	33°F/1°C

	A few morning showers, then rain STOOP: NOT SO MUCH	Clouds giving way to some sun and warmer STOOP: MAJOR	Sunshine and patchy clouds STOOP: POTENTIAL	Breezy and rainy; cooler STOOP: NOT SO MUCH	Windy with intervals of clouds and sun STOOP: POTENTIAL

Stooper Dossier: * MATT 2 *

2007-03-31T22:22:00.000-04:00

Et voila! Our first of many a character dossier of those for whom there will always be a standing reservation on the Stoop.

WHO: Our beloved * Matt 2 * --- not to be confused with Matt 1, with whom we will delight you later.

WHAT: Resident JFK, Jr. lookalike, reared in the O.C. and UCLA alumni. Channels the 'Official Preppy Handbook' with reckless, daily abandon. Perfectly tousled hair, SoCal perma-tan, perfect Frat brother. Romantically linked to * Lindsay * - UES blonde.

Bon chic, bon genre girl who wants 2 kids, posession of her Parents summer house in Quogue, and a classic 6 in the East 60's. Oh, and a white wedding.

WHEN: In residence July 2005 - present. Catch Matt 2 on the stoop mid-morning weekends with his NYT and a grande Starbucks, early mornings with his WSJ and a grande Starbucks, and mid-week evenings with an old-fashioned of pinot, cutoff chinos, and his ol' Topsiders.

WHERE: No.6

WHY: Because he can. And because everyone thinks he's dreamy.

Bella Greco

2007-03-31T22:05:00.000-04:00

In anticipation of the annual Greek hiatus from the Stoop, let us acknowledge how our very own Belvedere Hotel advertising ashtray was delivered at the beginning of Summer 2006! The sight of our oh-so-under-the-radar 30-room lucce Greek hideaway in triplicate under the graffitied plexiglass of a street ashtray shook the Manhattan cognoscenti to their utter core.

Although the potential for a repeat performance of this advertising debacle seems slight, one can never be too sure what the summer ashtray deliverymen will provide for our smokers' fastidity.

Never Too Late, But Always A Dollar Short

2007-03-31T20:51:00.000-04:00

Attention tout le monde . . . we've seen you cruising by the Stoop, checking out the 2 Bank team from the corner of your eye. We also saw all the jealous contempt of a dark child scuttling past the cool kids table in the cafeteria. You were right, we were silently judging you, but don't worry. It's okay. If we wanted to know your name we'd have asked.

Much like Melrose Place, the Stoop is a treacherous social platform that is best viewed from afar lest you collapse in the furrows of drag queen drop-ins, Wildean wit, geriatric politic, and the painful nostalgia of West Village life.

I cordially welcome you to be a part of Stoop News. This is the place where you can feel like a part of the team. A part of the crew. Stay abreast of Matt 2 and Lindsay's WV / UES courtship in all its high WASP debauchery. Stay up-to-date as the twin brothers strive for a life under the sweaty wing of Bruce Weber despite their stratospheric legal aptitude. We'll bet on hook-ups and break-ups, play rate-my-rent increase, document Celebrity Stoop Chat, and keep you generally in tune with this admirable corner of the universe.

Bienvenue. Now get off my stoop.

* STOOP NEWS *

* s-T-oop *

*Stoop Norwood*

*Stoop'd on Phonics*

* Fat Fighters *

* Cardboard Boxing *

* Stoop'd on Phonics: Homeless Ed. *

* Stoop:Observed *

* Grey Lady *

Blog Is the New Black

* Stoop'd on Phonics: Late Summer Edition*

* Summer Shit Show *

* And . . . . Scene *

* Dos Manos *

* Stoop'd on Phonics: DYGI? *

* Still Not Over It *

* Greek Pirates *

* I Wanna Be A Princess! *

* T Minus 10 - Opa! Ed. *

* Nurse's Office *

* Stoop'd on Phonics: From LA With Love *

Stoop in High-Res: Apology Edition

* Gone with the Linds- *

* Oh. Oh God. *

* Fat Fighters Update *

* American Gothic *

*Stoop'd on Phonics: Neighborhood Naming Edition*

* RIP Matt 2 *

* Town vs. Country - Stoop Action *

Stooooop'd on Phonics

*Stoop'd on Phonics*

* Ballon! *

* Stoop Non-Non *

* Thursday Sightings *

Stoop Weather Forecast

* Roof vs. Stoop *

* Olfactory Terror! *

* Retournez! *

Stoop'd on Phonics

Stoop'd on Phonics: Birthstone Edition

* Do Not Plow Hole *

* Stoop'd on Phonics: Hiatus Edition *

* Stoop-o-rama! *

* Stoop'd on Phonics: Athens Edition *

* STOOP ACTION *

* Bohemia, Bohemia . . . *

* Schwiiiiiing for Spring *

* Stoop Style *

* Spring Blesings (sic) *

Quel Temps Fait-il?!

5-Day Forecast

* Other People's Stoopidity *

Stoop'd on Phonics

* Helluva Town *

Stoop'd on Phonics

*BREAKING STOOP NEWS*

S.A.D.

Stoop'd on Phonics: *Rainy Edition*

* Bag, Rock, River *

* Stoop'd on Phonics *

* $75 Woman *

* His & Hers: High 80's WASP Edition *

* Buds on Bank Street *

5-Day Forecast

Stoop'd on Phonics - 'brohemian'

* Monsieur Marc *

* Stoop Styles *

Stoop'd on Phonics

Quoi d'Neuf?

Stoop'd on Phonics: April 9th Edition

*SNL Girl*

Stoopdate! *SNL GIRL* / *DAH LEN*

* Stooper Scooper *

Quel Temps Fait-il?

5-Day Stoop Forecast

Stoop'd on Phonics: Easter Edition

Stooper Dossier: *MATT 1*

Stoop'd on Phonics: Premiere Edition

* BREAKING STOOP NEWS *

Trans-Patty Acids

Stoop Norwood

Stoop'd on Phonics

Stoop'd on Phonics: Neighborhood Naming Edition

Stoop'd on Phonics

BREAKING STOOP NEWS

Stoop'd on Phonics: Rainy Edition

SNL Girl

Stoopdate! SNL GIRL / DAH LEN

Stooper Dossier: MATT 1